But it was far too early in the morning for me to read this and not think “WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!??”

I’m surprised my coworker was able to reply to them. I sure as hell couldn’t!

Can’t figure out how to lay out this post, because it just got funnier and funnier the more we went on.

Customer called Wednesday to ask about his job being ready Thursday. I look it up. It was ordered Wednesday. We offer 2-3 business day service, not next day. So I tell him that.  His order is likely not going to be ready until Friday, but it’s too late to cancel it and get his money back.

He says he called Wednesday and left a (vague) voice-mail to an unknown voice-mail-box, and since no one answered him, he placed his order anyways.  I told him it’s a better idea to e-mail such requests, because we get to our e-mails faster than voice mails.  He called, he says, because “Your phone number is on the main page, honey!”

He just couldn’t think up a good response when I replied with “Well our e-mail is on the main page too you know!”  (Was *REALLY* tempted to end that sentence with “honey” or “darling” because he said it to me first.) What’s even better, he left this unanswered voice-mail with my coworker, who says in her leave-a-message message “If this is urgent please e-mail *support e-mail* for a faster response”

Onto the turnaround time.

Him: I couldn’t see where it said 2 day turnaround time!
Me: It’s on the page with all the prices.
Him: But I couldn’t see it!
Me: It’s also on every page of our printed out guide.
Him: But I couldn’t see it!
Me: It’s also on the main page. Where you somehow magically found our phone number.
Him: But I couldn’t SEE it!
Me: (thinking only, no speaking) Open your eyes then before I pop them out with my thumbs so you REALLY can’t see anything!

.
..
…

Him: I ordered it through you because I’d seen other companies offer 24 hour turnaround.
Me: But we don’t offer it. Nowhere on our site offers it.
Him: But I saw other companies offer it.
Me: So… you placed your order through us, because ANOTHER COMPANY offers 24 hour turnaround?
Him: Well other companies offer it!
Me: So because someone else offers it you assumed we would offer it?
Him: I didn’t *ASSUME* anything!
Me: Really…

…………….

No idea how it ended. All I did was get him more and more angry every time I had to talk to him. I forwarded him to my coworker who handles production both times. The first time it went to voice-mail, the second I think he finally got to someone who would page her.

And yeah. All he did was say the exact same stuff to her that he did to me. Unfortunately she’s too nice, and wouldn’t have been nearly as rigid/inflexible as I am. She really likes that quality about me. Heh.

Customer: I need to know the procedure to return a product! My customer doesn’t like it!
Me: Okay, so if this is a quality issue, I need you to e-mail a photo so we can determine if it’s an acceptable complaint.
Customer: I did that already. I got a reply back.
Me: Then if you’ve done it, and got a reply, you will need to follow the instructions in the e-mail.
Customer: There were no instructions in the e-mail. It just said to return the product for a refund.
Me: So you’ll need to follow those instructions in your e-mail.
Customer: You’re not listening to me! There are NO INSTRUCTIONS! The e-mail ONLY SAYS to return the product for a refund!
Me: So you’ve returned the product already?
Customer: No! I’m waiting for instructions! The e-mail doesn’t instruct me!
Me: You have the e-mail?
Customer: Yes.
Me: You have the product?
Customer: Yes.
Me: You want a refund?
Customer: Yes.
Me: Then please do as the e-mail says. Return the product. Get a refund.
Customer: Oh. Okay.

1. He who got hit by a car feels cheated that I pre-write many of my blog posts. So just for you, this is going to go as soon as I hit the publish button. Happy? (Although I already had a post going up for Friday… and that’s now going to be pushed to Monday. Ha!)

Anyways.

My boss has a habit of not really telling us, the staff, what kind of promotions are going on.  It leads to a lot of us being more than confused when customers call or e-mail or chat room in questions about the promotions and all we can do is make a confused look and try to stumble through an explanation.

The promotion that was brought up… sounds like it would be a contest type of scenario. Or the details are extremely skewed. I can’t imagine any company giving away $1000 in product to EVERYONE who e-mailed in a suggestion for a website. While it would be very popular, it wouldn’t be good business. Because at this point, I hereby stake my claim, that customer loyalty has flown out the window when it comes to making discount sales and promotions. The sheer number of people who will complain, and complain, and yell, and complain… over business cards that cost $15.00

This particular customer… not to bright. At some point I’m sure I commented (probably on twitter) about someone who was asking why a different company, in a different country, was able to give pricing for a product that as nearly 40% below ours.  It’s the same customer.

There. A post that was published immediately.

CUSTOMER
08:42 hey again, are u guys still giving away i think it was $1000 so telling you improvements for this site?

Angela
08:42 i never even heard about that

CUSTOMER
08:43 i got it in the mail but cant find it now. can u ask in the oiffice please

Angela
08:43 you’re welcome to send in your suggestions for improvement and ask about it at the same time
08:43 i wouldn’t know who to ask

CUSTOMER
08:43 people around u, need to know where to send it so i can get the $1000 in printing for myself

Angela
08:44 the people around me don’t work on the COMPANY.com project
08:44 e-mail support@COMPANY.com with suggestions for improvement.

CUSTOMER
08:44 ask MYBOSS

Angela
08:44 i haven’t seen MYBOSS come in yet

CUSTOMER
08:44 well dont just want to send in and get t=nothing from it
08:45 can u email me when u see MYBOSS at CUSTOMER E-MAIL when u find out please and ty

Angela
08:46 if you have suggestions for the site please send them in
08:46 it will benefit you in the long run

CUSTOMER
08:46 if i just send them in then i dont get the $1000 in printing, do u undersatnd this

Angela
08:47 you are welcome to ask about the promotion at the same time.

CUSTOMER
08:47k , will email support@COMPANY.com for this, ty

I understand times are tough and prices need to be competitive and rock bottom in order to entice new customers. At the same time it’s a catch-22 when those same customers who want the lowest of the low on prices, expect the same quality and effort of those jobs that are priced reasonably (i.e. higher) in order to cover the labour involved.

It grinds my gears when people think our time & effort isn’t worth the money they’re putting into their end product. I realize this happens everywhere (I’m looking towards all of you, my piercing and tattoo-artist friends! You’ve all probably got the worst of the lot!) and some people will never learn there is a price to pay for quality, even in the toughest of economies.

I also just hate the word (and it’s variations) “cheap.” Whenever I e-mail a customer, and want to give them options in case the end user is looking for a lower price, I always call it “a more economical solution” or an “inexpensive option” because it at least… sounds nicer. Cheap just sounds… cheap.

But still. I can’t believe one person could write a variation of the word “cheap” so many times in such a short e-mail.

It made for some lulz in the office, that’s for sure.