spoiled chinese girl

Seriously. I’ve been tracking this because I was curious to see what on earth my normal cycle is.
Since there’s a calander infront of my desk, I thought I’d be very obvious by putting a big red “X” through the day it starts, since that’s supposed to be the first day of the cycle, even though it sounds like it should be the last or something. I don’t know. I’m not a medical type person. I’m a paper type person.

Anyways. My cycle is the 22nd of every month.
Seriously. Since I started working:
May 22, 2005
June 22, 2005
July 22, 2005
August 22, 2005
September 22, 2005

I’m baffled and confused. Either I’ve just never paid attention to it before and now that I am it’s amusing and humurous.

Of course you know what this means.
1. I’m craving chocolate big time.
2. My lower back is absoloutly killing me.
3. I’m happy that unicycle club tonight is cancelled for a going away party.

So I went with the Unicyclist club to Don Valley brickworks, me and Phil were the first to show up so we hung around, and there was a tv show shooting in our underhang type area and Phil knew one of the photographers, so I practiced freemounting with my right foot until I got bored. We met up with everyone just as it was getting dark, and they decided to not take the normal muni ride but go somewhere else, that I could have actually gone with.

Unfortunately this trail was almost 100% unrideable for me, it started with an extremely steep slope upwards on very rough gravel, and I attempted it a few times but had to grab my cycle and run the whole way up. Once it leveled off I rode to their first destination point just at the top of the hill. Then we rested and stared out at the entire area for a bit, then went off again around the hill and back.

I tried to follow, but fell behind, as per usual. I was having an extremely difficult time with my wheel getting caught in these ruts made by bikes going through mud, then drying, and was continually catching myself as I fell off. Except one time the wheel suddenly stopped moving, throwing me at an alarming speed face forwards. I caught myself with both my arms before my fists were jammed into my chest, and my jaw clenched on the sides of my tongue. I couldn’t breathe for a few seconds from the impact, and basically sat there until everyone came back around.

Then seeing as it was a muni ride, it became “find your own way back down” and I rode down the steep slope that I ran up. I got off the cycle maybe twice, mainly during really sharp turns that I wasn’t comfortable with.

Found that my left forearm was pretty scraped and bleeding a little. My chest hurt all night and taking deep breaths hurts now, over 24 hours later. Also my upper arms are quite sore like I’d done an extreme workout on them. Overall it was still fun.

Chicks dig scars. So I’m sure I’ll be okay.

So right now it’s 5:30, and I haven’t eaten lunch yet. Never mind the fact that I forgot to eat breakfast this morning, and it’s my friend Phil who’s supposed to be not eating, not me! ARRG! Anyways. Everyone’s gone home so I thought I’d write a blog entry that seems to entertain so few people. Mainly I like talking to myself. Yes I do. Aren’t I cute? I am! Wow.

Anyways. Last night was unicycle club, and we met at the DonValley Brickworks. It was late by the time everyone got there, so they didn’t go on a muni ride, just a normal trail ride, unfortunately it was a steep uphill the whole way (both ways!) and really rough gravel, so I had to walk most of the uphill. Then we got to more flat-ish land and I started riding with everyone, then I fell behind because I’m slow and I stink. But it’s not really a trail, it’s more like a double track, for like those offroad vehicle thingies that go into the wilderness? God I’m stupid. Anyways, it was lumpy and bumpy, and I biffed SO BAD.

I basically fell flat on my face, but with my forearms hitting the dirt. Which made me scrape up my left forearm really badly. Besides that I totally knocked the wind out of myself when I hit my chest with my wristguards, and I couldn’t breathe. So everyone rode ahead because I’m always the slow one. They found me when they turned around to come back. God I looked like a prat. Then we went back, and I walked most of the doubletrack because I didn’t really want to risk it, although I tried finding a few good lines to ride.

Then the downhill. Remember the steep uphill? Downhill ROCKS. I kicked ass for the downhill going down the shitty gravel path. Flew down it. With my unicycle. I got off twice because I stink at turning and they were pretty sharp turns.

Then I found out that I was bleeding a lot more than I thought. So one of the guys gave me a couple alcohol wipes. Stung like CRAZY. And it didn’t do much anyways. So I left it. And washed it off when I got home. And everyone at work noticed. Crazy roadrash on one arm but not the other? Weird.

Anyways, it’s all good I suppose. Like an hour before at work I already jammed the cutting edge of a tapegun into my right thumb, so there’s a straight row of little cuts from the little points. It looks like my thumb is perforated and if you pull the right way it should easily pop off.

I’m just falling apart!

That’s okay though.
Chicks dig scars

1. Someone backed into my driverside door over the weekend. While I was at someone's house. I have to go file a report with the police type people today, I tried to do it yesterday but no one wanted to come to my house. It's pretty significant.

2. I was just told that my labret's gotta go at work. It's not anyone within the office that has a problem with it. The bosses were a little squicked but overall didn't give a d***. But apperently actual customers have been commenting on it. Thus, they notice. And no one wants to lose business. So I'll throw in a glass retainer tomorrow, see how that fares, if not it's just gone (during the day)

3. I'm hitting PMS early I think this month. I need to figure out what to do to make myself less stressed, less emotional and overall less girlie during this time. It sucks.

At least the gas price has gone down to about a buck a litre, from the $1.30/L I paid a week ago.

I know that I want my life to be organized and neat and tidy and overall just the regular life that every normal person would want to have. Instead I have filled my life with clutter and other nonessential items that would make any life more complicated. My online life is just as complicated as my offline and most of the time there is no distinguishing between the two. There are things all over and I can’t get rid of any of it and its driving me insane that there’s so much stuff I can see I don’t need and that I don’t have to keep and I still can’t let it go. What if it was something I needed in a few hours, in a few days, in a few years? I’ll be kicking myself then for getting rid of it. But even worse is the things that aren’t useful, but could be for memory’s sake. Photographs. There’s tons of them, and every time I keep getting rid of them and throwing them out when I’m done remembering a particular person or place. That can’t be good, I have no past, and no present. Just a future that I can hardly look forward to because of everything that’s going on right now. Everyone has something to look forward to but me, because everyone else knows what they want, or at least has a better idea of what they want when I don’t have such a luxury. There isn’t anything I could do that I couldn’t do somewhere else but I can’t leave because my life is rooted here and there isn’t a lot I can do about correcting the situation. There’s too many years between now and ultimate freedom and I can’t stand to think of how I would be able to get into something I really want considering I still don’t know what it is I want. I love the life through a lense but I can’t do it for a living, there’s a lot of things I like but I can’t do any of them for real. I’m not good at stuff like that. The stuff I am good at, or at least even half decent at, isn’t going to work. I can’t find something I love and figure out how to get paid for it. The most I can do is try to be as small a failure as possible. Because that’s all I can really look forward to. Being less misearble. Not being happy.