spoiled chinese girl

Yea, after standing for 8+ hours (i get in early, and i leave late…unpaid as far as i can tell) I run downstairs to the subway, pay my fare, get onto platform, realize my cell phone is still in staff room, leave, run back up, get said phone, go back down, want to pay using some york region adult ticket (it's totally different but i didn't feel like paying normally again) and there's a lineup at the ticket booth cuz everyone wants to buy tokens because the fare is being hiked in january. so i go “Excuse me” and try to mush past since only one booth is open and the lineup is like 6 people deep, all obviously wanting to buy tokens even though the sign says “no tokens available, please purchace tickets” and this guy is like “you can't get past” so i say “Excuse me please i'm in a rush” push past him (he was the head of the line by now) and he tries futially to block my arm, which i shove away, shove my ticket into the box, go past him and he's like “hey have a little manners!” so i go “i *said* excuse me, not my fault if you feel like being a prick!” and go off. ah…. i can just picture the fact tomorrow i'm going to have to deal with him at work.

p.s. it's a BAD Thing when BMEshop tells you your credit card is over it's limit!

Short of it: I get invited to the staff x-mas party from Pharmaplus (even though i offically quit this past september) i go. i get hired. i start work today (tuesday dec 10th) and i now remember why i quit, and why i don't wanna go back tomorrow.

Long of it: Holey f***ing hell I hate work! Well not really, I'm just bored as all f*** or run off my feet. Why is there never a middle ground?!? And what's with starting at 10am (meaning I leave my house at 8am) and not having lunch until 2pm?!? F***ing hell. Anyways, most of the “regulars” remembered me and were all like “hey where the hell did you disapear to?” One even noticed my lobes went from 2g to 00g and commented. One new person asked me how I did it, she probably thought I was some sorta freak, but she seemed genuenly interested when i explained how you start off with a normal-sized (to me anyways, 8g is normal right?) earring and work your way up. And was impressed at the fact it took me over a year to get it to where I am now. Oh. I hate christmas music. with a bloody passion. I hate it i hate it i hate it. But my manager is so cute when he's desperate. “Angela…. what's up for tomorrow?” “Yea, I'm working?” “ok what time? same as today?” “how about a bit earlier so i can go home with my mom?” “9 to 5:30? done and done” i get flex hours but for these other two (ed and miriam) they get to work “whenever the store is open” which gives them crazy hours like 8am to 6pm or 9am to 8pm and so forth. so off i go again tomorrow. thursday maybe my first ever tattoo (that will then describe if i EVER get anymore) but i don't know cuz i started ragging and i don't think that's all that great of an idea. i'll think about it. and i'll go ask. “yea…. uh… if i want to get a tattoo on my groin, would you prefer if i'm not bleeding outta my pussy??” that'll go over REAL well!

Mayhaps it is time to begin again with living in the real world. But to do that it's probably best to reflect upon the last few days. Only I don't feel like it because they've been filled with exam after exam after god f***ing bloody exam. (wait. there's one more. EXAMS! ok i'm done now) At least Sunday I got a break before my exam on monday.

Is it bad to attempt to gain from someone else's misfortune? Before you begin to slip hatemail and letterbombs into my mailbox, let me explain. This past wednesday, 2 of my co-workers (well ex…I quit a few months back) got into a car accident that totaled the car, and sent them both to bed. To my understanding they're both going to be alright and make full recovery, but are both currently out of comission for work. Coupled with UofT going into exam week, that's leaving the store a mite short understaffed (especally when the two girls in the car accident were full time workers) And I went to the christmas dinner party Saturday pretty much in hopes of getting re-hired over the christmas break. It worked, I start tuesday (after my last “core” exam) and already know I'm working Tuesday and Wednesday (the two delivery days where they need extra people to help) So I say again, is it bad? Because as I feel horrible for them being in that accident, I couldn't stop myself from thinking “hey, maybe I can make some money off of this tragedy” and I feel slightly disgusted at the thought. At the same time, I'm helping out the store cuz the manager is attempting to pull people from other stores like real far away and no one really wants to come in. *Shrug* D***ed if you do and D***ed if you don't n'est pas?

There's one more thing I wish to comment on, and if you're the type to get offended if I happen to hit touchy subjects you may wish to stop highlighting and reading what I have to say.

This whole thing with Johnny (formerly -Phoenix-) and x108x… Yes x108x did that lowblow and so on and so forth. At the same time, Johnny's the type to not leave you whether he's right or wrong, until he's stomped his ideals and his thoughts and opinions into your forehead so they're a mile deep. Yes if it were up to me, x108x shoulda been kicked for what he wrote, but Johnny always seems to INVITE these types of remarks by not walking away, because he doesn't know HOW to just “let things be.” If you've had a lively debate with him, he'll repeat himself, over and over and over and over and over and over until you finally say “ok ok fine you're right now shut up” then he'll repeat himself one more time before he moves onto the next topic. And personally? I don't blame x108x for getting pissed if Johnny was doing the same to him.

p.s. it was pretty d*** childish for Johnny to go to x108x's forum and write that msg like “Yea, just to let you know I've decided you can stay, because *I* have a good heart and it was *MY* decision because *I'M* that special” and blah blah blah. If that's not lording it over someone I don't know what is.

And all is well. Ok so IAM thinks that November 31st was yesterday, I'm ready to jump off a bridge (not really, there aren't any good ones in markham) While I visualize the draining of life-giving fluids I have to sit and wonder of the mess I would create, and how hard it is to get blood-stains out of grout (or that stuff between tiles?) alas, another day passes on.

note to self: never get into bed wearing clothes from smoke-infested clubs. now everything in that room needs to be hosed down!

Friday started out boring, I wake up at home and i stay there for the remainder of the day. I started on my instrumentation report but there's really nothing to write about since all my entire experement was just a computer program that's at school.

Skip to me wanting to get the hell outta the house, I bribe Phil into promising to see 8mile with me by the ways of free internet access at Ryerson instead of paying for it like a chump (sorry phil!).

Of course, it makes sense that on my day off from Rye I end up going to school, narrowly avoiding a memorial for a teacher that passed away recently (sorry, but I never knew him, and i'd feel weird going to something that celebrated his life if i was never a part of it) and just random IAM stuffs.

I get coheresed (sp?) into going to…. the Zen Lounge by Warren who is susposed to also use me as a practice pin-cushion soon (and you should too!) and to balance out my car, also pick up Jess and meet up with Blake while we're there.

From the Zen Lounge we end up at Savage garden, where I sit mostly and listen, and and crack penis jokes to one of Warren's friends. Oh. and I get yelled at by my mommy cuz it's 3am and i'm not home yet. And i smelled of smoke when i went to sleep. And i smelled it when i woke up. did i forget to mention i'm allerigic to tobacco smoke? i'm dying right now. But still, it's good to get out of the house, especally during exam-prep time.

you ever get the fear of sleep? not because you realize that another third of your life will soon be slipping out of your grasp, but because of your wishes to never wake up, and the final prophicy that it may come true?

In theory, if getting new piercings is theurprudic(sp?) and helps out the ego & the mind and body, will removing one be the exact opposite and render a person useless and in complete depression and denial? Because just thinking about it is creating such situations. And tomorrow, I may have to just face up to it.

tear it rip it beat it out, the pain the anxiety, the horrors of past life gone by. mangle it, run it over, kill it good. your heart you know i would. do as you desire, plan your move, nothing's short of rape or the hurt. nothing will hurt any less, won't hurt anymore. use it, abuse it, it's long been lost. what now, starve the mind, the heart, at all cost.

What makes people use you? Or what makes people move on? Honestly, this one has baffled my mind for oh maybe the past 3 years. While I'm here, let me try and explain. I sometimes am in a relationship. These said relationships lasts for 2, 3 months at most (usually because neither of us are anywhere near each other, therefore, he can't dump me sooner) But why though? Even better, how come “after meeting me” they end up with the love of their lives? or something similar?

My first BF andrew, he goes out with me for 5 weeks. Then proceedes to dump me because we both had colds. (LITERALLY) Starts playing with the hoe of the school. Starts going out with me again, cheats on me the entire time. Then proceedes to dump me again (Reasons unknown) His next girlfriend? He dated her for 2 years before she finally dumped him. Second BF eric, went out with him for 3 weeks. he dumped me a week before our prom. shortly thereafter he starts going out with some other chick and they date for a little over a year. Felix? Goes out with me for 5 weeks (3 of which I was in europe) he dumps me the minute i get back to toronto. he gets ENGAGED to his next GF. Russell? After f***ing with my head (and every other area imaginable) he learns that he's in love with some (who we call) “manish-girlfriend” (she looks more like a man than he does) and…. they're still going out 2 years later. Emran? Well we all know where that went. After spending every f***ing waking moment with him, and every non-waking moment thinking about him, he ends up with some other chick, and even after finding out that he cheated on her with me, they're STILL going out a f***ing year later. Matt? F*** all if he don't take the cake. He's engaged one moment, licking out another in a movie theater or something, then f***ing me, then f***s around with my head, and now is “happily in a relatinoship” with the girl that could spend the time with him while he pretended to be a big boy.

Please don't get me wrong, this isn't a “why is she better than me” crap because there's tons of reasons, and that was just a list of a ton of girls. I want to know why the f*** does everyone seem to go through ME before they find their soulmate? Why the f*** am i the “deciding factor”? How, that every single guy on this list, goes out with me, for weeks, even DAYS, then finds their true love somewhere else? Am i just destined to find OTHER people's true loves, and never my own?